Sorry, long post today

I know it's becoming redundant, but, I absolutely LOVE this time of year. I love getting my hands dirty in the gardens. The smell, the cool weather, it's all is fantastic.

I noticed last night that some of the flowers on the strawberries are already turning into strawberries. That means we'll be eating fresh strawberries in less than 2 weeks.

The kids have T-CAP tests this week. That's the yearly State required assessment tests that all kids have to take. Both girls are really excited about them for some reason.

I have noticed a marked improvement in Jillian lately. She has been much happier and is coming home everyday to tell me about the grades she is getting. I can see now that she is really blossoming into an awesome person.

I think that some of the issues that we have been having with her this year stem from two things.

Number one is that I have not been paying enough attention to her. So I have recently started to include her in a lot of the things I do around the house. She helped me to build Audra's flower beds last weekend by using the drill to do most of the deck screws. This weekend she used the reel mower to cut about a 3rd of the lawn which was a huge help.

Number two is that I think she was getting caught in a cycle. She was getting bad grades and it was making her feel ashamed, and feeling bad about herself led to her getting more bad grades. It seems to be much better now. I take the fact that she is openly talking about school and grades now to mean that she is not hiding it anymore.

I know I have always expected her to act older than she is. I mean, she started talking so early and it seems like she has always been sooooo bright. I really need to work on just letting her be a kid sometimes.

Anyway, I talked to Dad this weekend, and he reminded me that I only get one shot at this. That always makes me tear up, because I know it's so true. After all, Jillian is turning 12 in just a couple of months.

Am I that old? Yeah, I guess I am. It was 17 years ago that I left 17 North Madison in Trenton Illinois, to go off and make a life for myself. Half of my lifetime ago. I'd like to think that I've learned a few things along the way, and I sure as shit know that I am not the same person I was back then. Whether that's good or bad is subjective.

All that to say that we're all on this trip together and it hurts me to think that I could let Jillian's part in my life dwindle to the point that it did. I am making a pact with myself and her that I WILL be a bigger part of her life, and I want her to be a bigger part of my life.

Miriana is such a different personality. I find her to be so much easier going and laid back than anyone else in the family. That's not exactly true. In the past few months I have been having these weird moments with Miri where she'll do or say something that TOTALLY reminds me of Corrie Huff. This sounds dumb, but I have always thought that Miri's toes looked like Corrie's toes. But recently her mannerisms, inflections, sense of humor, and even her laugh have really been reminding me of Corrie. Must be the genes.

Anyway, Miri is an absolute joy nearly all of the time. She is a very special person and I am proud to have her in my life. I hope she always keeps her innocent perspective on life. It's an incredible gift, and it affects everyone in her life.